Last night I went out (somehow I convinced my grandmother to let me, don't ask how because honestly I have no idea...) with my current boyfriend. We went to his friends house for a bit and honestly? It was kinda nice. We walked to the park and played pool, we weren't there long though. I was a little anxious, don't get me wrong, but it was nothing compared to what was to come later. Later that night we attended a party, aka a hell-hole for me. There was maybe 4-5 people, less than that because they came in and out. I felt incredibly uncomfortable. I refused to speak and all I wanted to do was to cry! I kept my nose in my phone as long as I could until it died. So I left. I sat in the car until my boyfriend waddled out to let me take him home.
This had me thinking about being an introvert. I know, I suffer from PTSD and it is the reason I feel like I have to constantly have an escape route. It's the reason for my unneeded fight or flight instinct, too. But, what exactly is my introversion? Is this normal? Is it bad that I'm an introvert?
Introvert is defined as a shy, socially reluctant person.
If it was up to me, I'd describe it as crippling anxiety and fear of social interaction, but then again maybe that's just me! If I walk by a group of people and they start laughing, my mind instantly shoots to the idea that they're laughing at me. I did something wrong. They hate me. Is this introversion? I don't think so, I personally think it's more of a symptom of my anxiety.
I love being alone. I love being in company of someone I care about deeply too, but there's a limit until I have to resort back into my hermit home under my covers nuzzled into my computer. This is a terrible thing because it makes it hard for me to keep friendships. People assume I don't like them, or I'm rude just because I prefer to be alone.
